Once in a Lifetime

For several days now, I have had the song "Once in a Lifetime" by the Talking Heads running through my mind. Not necessarily the beat, or the melody, but mostly the lyrics. The line I am referring to are: "You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? " During the course of the night I looked up the song on the www. According to some people posting comments the song is about how the singer looked at himself when he reached middle age. He had a beautiful house, a beautiful wife, etc. But he asked himself "How did I get here?" He had spent so much time doing "things" in his life that he had forgotten to live his life.

At Salt Lake Temple June 28, 1991

I wondered what all of this meant to me. When I looked at the date and time on the corner of my computer, I stared at the date and was slapped upside the head that it was 20 years ago today (6/28/91) that I returned home from my mission. On that day, I had a life ahead of me, full of dreams, hopes, goals, etc. Then I asked myself; "Self, how did I get here?" That is the question I have been asking myself for weeks now. I start reflecting back on my life and it all seems like a dream. I still fill like I am 25 and not this 41 year-old person. And I wonder how I got here with so many uncompleted goals and unfulfilled dreams.

According to my road-map, by this time in my life I should be married with 4 kids and be a ranking member of the Utah State Senate and would be a viable person to challenge Orrin Hatch to go back to Washington. I was going to spend 4 years at SUU, another 1 at a good grad school and then, I was going to take my first job at use it as a stepping stone to move up and go onto the next level and continue to progress. Instead I spent 6 years at SUU, and 14 years at FranklinCovey and left rather unceremoniously. I accepted a job that is a good 5 or 6 steps back on the ladder, all because I wanted to have some semblance of a life.

I wonder, where was my wrong turn? Did I miss a sign in college? Would I change what I did there? No. I absolutely loved my collegiate career. SUU was a great school and provided me with so many remarkable experiences, I wouldn't change any of it.

Maybe I did let Franklin become my life. While there I was somebody. Granted the CEO didn't call me at 10:36 pm, but he did introduce me to people as the person he communicates the most with at FC. Or maybe I messed up staying there so long, because I liked what I did and I loved my co-workers.

As for my new job. It is for certain not my dream job. I do enjoy it and I have really liked learning new things. Honestly, the logistics of trying to get trucks to run loads and coordinating product on International Shipments has been a challenge. But it has been exciting. It is something I would have never seen myself doing, but it is offering me knowledge in an arena that had once been foreign to me. So, maybe the several steps back on my career has not been a bad thing.

This post is way to long already for me to even start on why I am not married with 4 kids. (All boys) But I do know it has been my fault. I have made mistakes, listened to the wrong people, been scared and not followed my heart.

Quite honestly, this is one part of my life that although I am not happy, I am content. I have had some chats with the Big Guy and He has helped me to understand.

Now listen up here friends and family. I am not depressed nor am I at mid-life crisis. I have just been doing some reflection and soul searching. I felt it would help me to write down what I have been thinking and to share with you my loved ones. So, I don't want any of you worried about me. Let's just continue to be friends. BUT I would love to hear from any of you that have done some life reflection and you have advice or insight, please share with me. I know I am not alone. --Although, sometimes when I don't get comments on my blog posts I feel like I am. I am talking to you blog stalkers. (-:

Like me, do you have unfilled dreams? Do you still have goald dangling out there that you wonder if you will ever attain?